Tis the season for holiday parties!!

Up until a few years ago I never went to any of my company related xmas functions, but I soon came to realize what fun I was missing out on. There is always that guy or girl that just gets entirely way too trashed and makes a complete ass out of themselves. (I am already fully aware that I am going to hell therefore do not feel bad about laughing at others when they do such things as this). All of a sudden Jane Doe in accounting thinks she has some sweet stripper moves, Joe Shmoe in purchasing thinks he can break dance, or a few random people start making out in front of their HR personnel. It’s awesome. I use to work at a fairly well known hair salon and they were infamous for causing such a ruckus that it was a difficult task to find a bar or restaurant that would allow them have their parties there. Someone once ripped a bathroom sink straight off the wall. Seriously, WTF were they doing?? I always just assumed someone was getting the ‘business’ and well, the sink just broke. What is it about the holidays that somehow make people throw out all their inhibitions and decide to get totally tanked in from of all of their coworkers of all people? And whose bright idea is it to have open bars at such get togethers? I’d like to shake that person’s hand.

Walter Gustufson (Gus Gus for short) was a gift from my roomies last year. He was my fish. My friend. My pal. He died a while back and I miss that little guy. He was black with googly eyes and reminded me of a dog… only he had gills, was much smaller, and lived under water. He was a social fish so in an effort to advance his social skills I made two attempts at giving him a friend. The first was Johnny 5. He was a smaller black/orange/white fish with over sized eyes. He wasn’t the prettiest, but that of course was exactly why I picked him. Ugly fish need love too. I really enjoyed saying “HI, FIVE!!” and then putting my hand up to the tank. He never quite got that joke. The second was Obi Juan.. a bigger, skinny goldfish that constantly picked on Gus Gus. I was not a fan. Feeding time was hard on poor Gussy since Obi would nip at him every time he got near the food, (such a bitch), so I started hand feeding Gus. Twice a day, once in the morning and once at night, I hand fed my goldfish. It was a bonding experience really. So anyways, I ended up making a very fatal mistake one evening. I changed their bowl water and accidentally added too much filter cleaner. Obi was a goner by morning and Gus met his fate shortly after. I buried him under the cherry tree in the front yard. *sniff* I killed my friend. I’ve been wanting to get a new fish ever since but I knew there needed to be a mourning period. I didn’t want to displace or hide my feelings of sadness and remorse by jumping into a new relationship with another fish. It has been a while now and I feel like I have had the proper grieving time. I am now emotionally stable enough to find another fish in the sea…. or down at Pet Smart. Whatever.

I have come to the conclusion that there is some universal message board that sends a notice out to the male species when a female is either taken off of, or put back on the market. Kind of like a “Nope, don’t even try” or an “OK, go ahead” broadcast. I have been hit on by more random guys in the last month than I have in the last year… *shrugs*. It’s ridiculous. I’m a social bird, I go out a lot, but I’m not huge on PDA, so its not like anyone could ever really tell when I do or do not have a BF unless they actually know me. It just works out that I tend to not be hit on when I’m taken, and then a damn breaks and randoms start flooding in when I’m single (with no one interesting I might add). This message board is really the only conclusion I have come to as to how they know such things. Should be flattering, right? Not so much. I don’t like being hit on. Most of the tactics guys use are just lame-o, and it’s pretty obvious majority of the time that they don’t really know anything about who they’re hitting on anyways. Unless you are my friend or posses that certain… how you say ... GRRRRR!!!... then please excuse me while I put my “Nope” sign back up.

I bought a new book yesterday. It’s called ‘Why Men Love Bitches’.
Go figure.