There’s a hole in my heart that can only be filled by...

We’ve all experienced it at some point in our lives… an overwhelming and undeniable pain in your chest from feeling like something is missing. It’s taken me a few years to discover, I have searched my soul for what this void could possibly be, and I have come to realize that this hole in my heart is a direct result of me not going to prom. Tragic isn’t it? It’s a damn good thing I have friends like Crystal.

Here is a run down of some of her past birthdays:
* we dressed up like cowgirls and went to a male, gay, line dancing bar
* white trash whirly ball (it’s a mixture between bumper cars, basketball, and lacrosse)
* 80’s glam karaoke
* while sporting 'I love Seattle' paraphernalia, we took a ‘Ride the Duck’ tour
(where she opted to take over the microphone (and was then offered a job))

Imagine my delight when I found out what was on this years agenda… prom. It’s even in the exact location where our high school’s original magical night was held: The Ballard Elks Club. The theme is ‘Enchantment Under the Sea’ and a decoration committee has already been formed. Life as I know it will forever be changed. At last, I will be whole.

In her own words…

Prizes will be awarded to most closely recreated prom (must bring photo to prove), best lesbian couple, and of course a prom king and queen will be chosen by a hootin and hollerin contest.

There will a photographer taking couples pictures which will be posted on line. A cash bar with bargain basement $2 you call its. A dj featuring smash hits that will range from 1988 to 1999. Tickets will be sold at the door, as Im still figuring out how many hundreds of thousands of dollars this thing is going to cost me.

THIS IS PROM PEOPLE, NOT SOME RIDICULOUS DRESS UP PARTY LIKE I THROW EVERY YEAR. SOMEONE'S GONNA SPIKE THE PUNCH, SOMEONE'S PUKING IN THEIR STRETCH ESCALADE, SOMEONE'S LOSING THEIR VIRGINITY AND SOMEONE GETTING DITCHED BY THEIR DATE BECAUSE THEIR BEST FRIEND IS HOTTER.

So, ladies, go try and squeeze your fat ass into your prom dress. And gentlemen, call up the tux shop in the mall. All the cool kids will be there.


Nothin’ but class. God, I Iove this woman.